Monday, November 26, 2007

Dance of Death

Grant dismisses ballet as "a bunch of straights in tights bouncing to the beat of square music", but he changes his tune when Russian ballerina Anastasia Primadonov wants to defect. In fact, the tough-as cop falls for the flouncy thing with the help of some subtle audio effects:

Grant (apparently thinking): Must not let on I'm falling in love with her...
Ana (apparently thinking): Must not let on I'm falling in love with him...
Stix (apparently doesn't think at all): Must not let on everyone's voice has gone all echoey!

Heading to the noble dance, Funky Squad sneak backstage - after waking up Poncho and Stix, who've nodded off from the excitement of it all - and meet the Iron Curtain Dance Company, whose sinister minder is keeping the dancers on a short leash:

"Anastasia, look at you. Lipstick, decadent nail polish, mascara... How many times must I tell you - leave my makeup alone!"

But Grant is apparently prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice: being seen in public in leotards.

Theatre PA: Ladies and gentlemen, due to an implausible plot development, Vladimir Smirnoff will be replaced tonight by Grant Funkyscoff.

The ruse works, and Anastasia makes her escape with the squaddies in the Funky Buggy, which isn't a Lada. But there's one broken down ahead of them.

Motorist whose voice bears a strange resemblance to that of the sinister Iron Curtain minder: Excuse me comrade, er, cobber, could you a hand be giving to push my Lada vehicle?"

Funky Squad sees through the ruse - eventually - and after a bout of fisticuffs and Stix taking a bullet in the beachball, they make for a conventiently located embassy over the road. Anastasia takes a moment to pose meaningfully on the doorstep, and gets her brains blown out.

Which is probably just as well, since we wouldn't want her and Cassie getting all catty over Grant's affections. Especially since they were both played by Jane Kennedy.

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1 comment:

Bessie said...

Interesting to know.