Tuesday, November 27, 2007


This Funky Squad story from the Triple M Breakfast days later resurfaced as a comic in the Funky Squad Annual. Which I haven't written about. Yet. And might not. Let's see how I feel once I've got through the radio stories.

Framed begins with the end of the case - the bank robbers are busted and Stix gleefully informs them that "the only loot you'll be getting is the musical instrument they teach you in jail!"

While Stix explains the obscure link between medieval instruments and money laundering, the crooks make their escape. They report their failure to their boss, a Mr Poncycrim of Swish Crims Inc, who must be very, very rich and a villian of noble birth since he has a posh accent and an expensive sounding teaspoon sound effect.

Goon: We only just managed to escape while one of them explained a metaphor, Sir!
Boss: Silence! Enough talk.
Goon: But if we don't talk, it gets kinda boring.
Boss: Oh, I don't know. There's always the teaspoon noise.

Jangling aside, Poncycrim crafts a masterly plan to bring down Funky Squad - a couple of loud-speaking goons head to a downtown burger joint, and soon the squaddies think they've got a tip-off about a bank job when all they ordered was a megaburger and fries. But they get a set-up, a dead body, and the Chief and some squares bursting in at the most improbable moment. Funky Squad flees the scene of the crime, in a squeal of rubber.

Chief: Constable Straightlace, Sargeant Square! Go after them at a slightly lesser speed!
SFX: screech!
Cassie: Grant! We can't go on like this!
SFX: screech!
Grant: Why not?
SFX: screech!
Cassie: I don't think the tyres will hold out!

The squaddies head to Poncycrim's stately home to clear their names, braving fences, armed guards, and slavering vicious man-eating labradors.

Cassie: you forget, before joining Funky Squad Grant was a green beret...
Stix: No, Grant OWNED a green beret.
Guard: Hey! You in the green beanie!

Having been spotted, they're dragged inside to darken Poncycrim's doors. And just as all looks black, the Chief makes another inprobable appearance.

Chief: Poncho told me everything.
Stix: But he can't talk.
Chief: He wrote it down.
Stix: He's illiterate.
Chief: It was sign language.
Stix: He's terrible at charades.
Cassie: Stix, shut up!

And I will too, until I drop in again with the next episode in approximately alphabetical order, Hunted.

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