Sunday, May 13, 2007

Episode 7: The Carnival is Over

The latest case is closed, the Chief is happy and the uniformed goons aren’t grumbling too much for once, so it’s time for...

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Funky Squad on vacation.

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But Cassie gets a creepy present - a toy clown with a knife through its head - just as they’re leaving.

A bit of stock footage soon sets the beachside scene. Ponch obligingly slathers Cassie with that Brown and Beautiful muck fictitious actress Verity Svenson Hart was advertising last episode, while Stix braves bare-feet-on-hot-sand syndrome to fetch her a milkshake.

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Grant is surfing very convincingly when Poncho realises the blonde one’s in trouble.


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Grant’s under - his surfboard’s been tampered with - and when they get back to their towels, there’s a creepy message scrawled in the sand.

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They leave the beach... But the Mustang’s brakes are also on holiday...

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And the Squaddies nearly get a bit closer to the surf than they had in mind.

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When they pop the bonnet, they find Enjoy the Roller Coaster Ride scrawled underneath.

They go running back to the Chief, and some fiddling with the new computer reveals that Elliot Green, sent down by Funky Squad three years ago for sabotaging a fun park, has just been released.

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It’s also their chance to do The Pose this week, since we missed it at the start of the episode.

Stix and Grant head to the park in question, to find it’s deserted except for a comedy drunk with financially inspired amnesia.

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The former owner of the fun park now runs a scungy cafe from a caravan - the Cafe De Wheels - conveniently situated over the road.

Meanwhile, Cassie and Poncho head to Elliot’s Mum’s house.

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She’s the weirdest thing this side of the Bates Motel, but says she hasn’t seen her lad since his release. Which doesn’t explain why he’s sitting in the lounge room.

The Funky Squad eat out at a very Italian pizza and pasta place, where the proprietess tries to matchmake Cassie to her son, oblivious to the big sickening cow-eyes Cassie and Grant are exchanging.

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Cassie heads home... And re-enacts the Psycho shower scene. Fortunately, it ends with a phone call rather than a knifing. But there’s a mechanical laughing clown on the other end of the line and a message scrawled on the mirror.

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Deciding there’s safety in numbers, and because it’s time for some men-being-useless domestic humour, they all crash at Cassie’s pad.

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They get a phone call from Freddy the diner man, to say Elliot’s arrived and wants his old job back. But when Freddy turns around, the young nutter’s gone again.

A cut-and-paste letter arrives, and the postcode matches the mother’s place. The burst in and haul Elliot off to the cop shop, but another mechanical clown phone call while they’re interrogating him would seem to rule him out as the mystery troublemaker.

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(Let’s not ask why Poncho was the one who picked up the phone.)

Freddy the diner man is now suspect du jour. They go to see him in the middle of the night - as you do - but the cafe is deserted.

They check out the abandoned, silent, dark fun park...

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Which suddenly comes to life. It seems Freddy IS here... Somewhere...

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The Here I Am message in Cassie’s flat was written on the mirror, which leads the squaddies to a suitable season finale in the Hall of Mirrors...

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But it’s not Freddy they find...

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The last of our ads sees the return of RC cola, and a small crowd go ape over - well, get mildly interested in - the Gemini Sandpiper. It’s time for Joey Alvarez - Santo’s FunkySquadLand counterpart - to get publically minded with a drink driving warning, although his ‘five drinks in the first hour and three in the next’ suggestion hints at an inherent weakness with either FunkySquadLand’s DUI laws, or its liquor.

Quotes of Note

Warden on Elliot’s release: That guy didn’t belong in the slammer... He belonged in the loony bin!

Random criminal: I’m entitled to one phone call!
Grant: Why don’t you call the warden, tell him you’re coming.

Grant: OK folks, listen up. We’re cutting loose beachside for a week. Any messages, file them under ‘s’ for surf’s up!

Cassie: Maria, come on - this is the seventies. Some girls don’t get married until they’re at least 25.

Cassie: I’m starting to dig this time off scene. No chief, no crims..
Stix: And the only paperwork we’ll be doing is taking the wrapper off our icecreams!

Well thrillseekers, that's where we leave it for now. I hope you've enjoyed reading this (assuming anyone ever does) as much as I've enjoyed putting it together.

Bye!

7 comments:

David said...

This is the greatest blog I've ever seen. I've just relived all 7 episodes...you've done a wicked job in the absence of DVD release....

jim36fpc said...

This blog is greatly appreciated.

I'd love to see Funky Squad get a proper DVD release

jim36fpc said...

Another quote from Grant (on hearing that Elliot Green has been released after three years of a five to seven stretch)

Man, that burns me up. We do all the leg work, sweep the streets, book these low-lifes, drag them in front of a judge who throws the book at them, then some two bit warden with a bleeding heart falls for the good guy routine and lets them off the leash.

Ethel said...

Yeah, wouldn't a DVD release be lovely?

Thanks for the quote - that was going to be in the list, but I ran out of energy to transcribe it, by the time I'd got to the end of the last ep.

Thanks for the comments!

Anonymous said...

Hi all. Does anyone have actual copies of this series? (Even the production company dont!).

Ethel said...

Anonymous, they *do* exist... mainly in 'I was smart enough to tape this when it was broadcast' form. If you follow the link on the right of this blog to 'Champagne Comedy', and head to the forums, you'll find some tenuous information on a potential Funky Squad DVD release. And the people 'round there are good to know. ;)

jim36fpc said...

The Funky Squad DVD is to be released in Australia on the 7th November 2007.